What r mere mortals to do What are mere mortals to do? What are mere mortals to do?
Alpha males don't exist, people. There is no such thing as universal power. Power is situation specific. It is something that anyone can get, everyone can lose, and nobody has a monopoly on.
I think this is one of the more important statements I have read at one of these sites in a long time. It's something that needs to be kept in mind when we are revering our leaders, be they domestic, political or religious.
Just because my husband can silence a room full of our friends doesn't mean the mob next door will give him a second of quiet. He is a brilliant HoH for me but lots of other women would abhor him in that role.
If leadership were a readily obtainable quality, transferrable from group to group, we wouldn't need more than one political party. And corporations could save millions of dollars in trying to train their managers and supervisors in how to motivate and lead their staff. everyone is looking for a formula. It doesn't exist.
There has been testing and studies done. Alpha males compared to other males have difference even at the basic level of brain functioning. Alpha males have significantly higher levels of seratonin, this effects the limbic system (which controls your basic emotions and instincts fight, flight, fear, and well sex). Alpha males do not need to fight to be in leadership they assume it naturally and yes there are alpha females too and they usually are submissive in nature but can only truly submit to an alpha male - both are in limitted supply - the females have different tendencies than the male but when combined together they are usually a very sympatico fit. I know that i am an alpha female that is also a submissive, yet most men are not dominant enough to even begin to obtain my submission. I have been evaluated to an extent by someone who has done studies in this area and am quite positive that i am that. And i am also in a relationship with an alpha male - there is a difference between regular just "dominant" males and an alpha male - just in relationship styles alone, and the needs that are filled - alpha males are like mentors and teachers, they are designed to make you feel stronger and to teach, alpha males give you that sense of belonging that sense of attachment that alpha females so need - the rest are fine for having a fling with but an alpha is more like a mate for life. I have been in many different relationships and the alpha male relationship is the only way i can feel and be open in and understand myself as well.
Although I do understand that some men possess qualities of character and natural dominance that make them irresistable to women, I wonder if you have set an impossible standard for us mere mortal men. Your opening statement claims that these kind of men are rare. You wrote you have only met such men once a decade. Hmmmm.....It would be unseemly for me to be so immodest as to claim some kind of special power over women. In fact I don't. (Oh, how I wish I did when I was 20 lol) I agree that there are some men who do possess a natural charisma and dominance that are attractive to women. But to be frank, most of these men were jerks. Perhaps I was only envious of their ability to attract women, but it seemed to me that most were so full of themselves that they failed as human beings.
The forces of attraction are mostly a wonderful mystery. But if I had to choose the one quality that makes a man attractive to a woman it is confidence. Self-confidence can not be faked. It is not something you have to be born with, in fact it can be developed over time. It is typically found in men who have done some living and who have an honest understanding of themselves --both their strengths and weaknesses. They don't allow their strengths to become a source of arrogance and they are not paralyzed by their weakness. This self-knowledge frees a man to be himself. He does not look for his confidence in another man's eyes. Why is it that some men can overcome their weakness while other are consumed by it, I don't know. When a man is comfortable with himself, he exudes a kind of charm that women find attractive. He is not shy in pursuing what he wants, especially a woman he desires. It is this very willingness to act that immediately makes a woman take notice.
Ultimately though, whether we call it confidence, or charisma, or a alpha male, he must possess strength of character and integrity. If he fails the test of decency then no matter how much power and charm he exudes, the relationship is doomed to failure.
I would first like to thank Sarah and everyone contributing to this thoughtful community. It is finding a wonderful website like this every once and again that reminds me why I have internet access. Thanks to my sister Lisa for sharing this site with me.
Seems after reading so much here that this topic has pulled me to post. Much of my life, I've had a tendency to intellectualize versus act (be alive) on topics of what it means to be man, to have masculine power. I believe it is important to acknowledge diversity and our own uniqueness while on a path to settle somewhere between where we are (who we are) and who we want to be.
I'd like to say to Ian, forget the "leagues". This is your life, your game. The passage to ourselves comes with the care of those that we learn to love and trust, not a recipe empirically accepted by everyone, much less... just us folks here. I'd like to recommend some reading for you, and as well perhaps request a link for the Taken In Hand books page. It is No More Mr. Nice Guy, written by Robert A. Glover.
Don't jump to a conclusion on the title, as this book is not about "meanness", but about men finding a way to stop seeking approval and start getting what they want in life... ensure their needs are met, to express their emotions, to have a satisfying sex life, to embrace their masculinity and form meaningful relationships.
After reading this comment I went onto amazon and read the reviews of No More Mr Nice Guy, and had my worst fears about self-help books confirmed yet again. It's another book that's all about manipulation. The author assumes that men who are nice are only PRETENDING to be nice in order to get sex (that's the impression I got from the most intelligent review anyway) and that they should start pretending to be nasty instead, to get more sex. there is , of course the usual obvious difference with self -help books (those for women tell them how to please men, those for men tell them how to please themselves), but they're all in essential the same, they're all about putting on an act, playing games in order to get what you want, or give them what they want. They're totally creepy. I wouldn't want to have anything to do with a man who needed a book to tell him how to treat me, it isn't something you can learn from books, why would anyone want to mess around with these pernicious things? Why would any woman want to have anything to do with a man EVER who thought he needed a book in order to know how to have a relationship, who'd want a loser like that?
What I find decidedly creepy about self-help books is that all of them seem to be about PRETENDING. That surrendered Wife thing is all about pretending to be dumb, pretending not to have any opinons, pretending not to notice if your husband takes a wrong turning when he's out driving (don't get me started on that one again). They're all about playing daft games. None of them are about being honest, discussing your feelings, saying what you really think, which I have found is the only thing that helps. When some ANNOYING person on this website said he thought I had issues about trusting my husband and I found myself thinking (much to my fury)"oh, ****, it's true" it shook me up and lead to me actually talking to my husband about stuff I would normally never have dreamed of talking to him about, and it's actually improved things between us, it's really helped. But none of these s.h. books ever suggest anything like that, they're all about pretence and playacting and lies which is why I loathe them so violently (quite apart from the fact that they are invariably atrociously badly written). I now have this terrible compulsion to be truthful with my husband about EVERYTHING, which can be very inconvenient for me (sometimes painfully so), no self-help book ever suggest being honest, all they ever talk about is playing bloody silly games.